| the way i feel these days... |
[Aug. 27th, 2006|09:25 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | no where | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
living for a tomorrow
a tomorrow that may never come
breathing in air i do not own
knowing that they hate me
confusion of what i've done
why won't the accusations stop
new friends, oh they love me
but there's a fine line
that i'm afraid i'm walking
the one between love and hate
i'm smoking ciggerettes
is that all i have left
no it isn't, because it dissappears
in a cloud of smoke
with all my old friends
and maybe the new ones too
too many times i hear those words
i tried, they say, i tried
i tried to lose weight
my body says
but i think it lied
weight is such a funny word
you wait to lose weight
but i'm tired of waiting
i'm tired of losing |
|
|
| pig. |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|10:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
i
am
a
fucking
pig
shoot
me
hear
me
go
oink
oink
fucking oink.
i
ate
900
calories
of
cookies
look
at
the
pig
now
oink
oink
FUCKING OINK! |
|
|
| i found aly. |
[Jul. 30th, 2006|10:18 pm] |
um. that's about it.
I found aly.
start 28 day plan again tomorrow, for real this time.
she's doing it with me.
what else...
oh yea, trying to figure a plan for me to eat on for school so i'll remain healthy.
Goodness this will be hell.
Thank goodness I have God.
btw, i finished the book Cell by stephen king today, it's a fucking masterpiece. |
|
|
| I'm fucking sick of this game. |
[Jul. 30th, 2006|11:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
Trust me, I'm so fucking glad I've made it to 189, but dad's bought cookies and ice cream, and I've quit exercising...
oh my gosh, I need to do MORE.
MORE.
I've already had about 1200 cals today.
and it's just 11:00!!!
What am I going to fucking do.
Someone give me lots of exercise tips, please!!! |
|
|
| I've lost Aly, but I think I found her. |
[Jul. 29th, 2006|08:54 pm] |
She's at her mom's house.
Thank God.
I got So fucking SCARED!
I was so worried something had happened to her.
I love that girl to death.
I miss her.
Can't wait till she gets back home. |
|
|
| Tanning... |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|03:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  good | ] |
That's all I've been doing, all day long.
Tanning.
Ah.
What bliss. |
|
|
| HA! |
[Jul. 22nd, 2006|06:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crazy | ] |
I've ate like ALL FUCKING DAY LONG AND I'M STILL AT 189!!!
WTF!
I LOVE IT!
And I'm getting an Austrailian Sheperd puppy on Tuesday, and it's a girl, and I shall name it:
Rori! |
|
|
| Just Heavenly. |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|12:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
I made it to the 180's, but I'm on my period, so I'm not sure if that's the same or not.
I done an hour of yoga and pilates today.
I'm getting off the internet soon so I can exericise, dad isn't getting home till 9 tonight so I'm going to run my little ass off!
Hopefully litterally, because I think it's too big personally.
HAHA!
In a good mood, can't explain.
<3 life.
And no it's not because of a silly crush lol! |
|
|
| I'm back, and It's good. |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|07:10 pm] |
I think I'm in the 180's finally.
I'll make this short.
And that's it. |
|
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| Gone, Gone, Gone. |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|12:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | They see me rollin'. | ] |
I leave in a little bit and I won't be back for almost a complete week, actually a litte longer.
So much has happened that I haven't wrote about.
But I swear I will when I get back.
I got a hold of some NV weight loss pills, I don't really know if they work yet.
And fiber pills.
And everything.
I'm cranking it up in this joint.
I used two drugs words in the same sentence not even talking about drugs.
Heh.
If anyone needs to get a hold of me just call 270-725-1455,
If I don't answer just leave a message and number.
Talk to everyone in a week or so.
Bye. |
|
|
| Sweetness. |
[Jul. 4th, 2006|12:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | jubilant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fever. | ] |
Going to hang out with mom's family tonight,
I can't wait to see them.
like 2 1/2 hours from now Teri's going to come pick me up so we can go.
Nathan's going to Sam's b-day Wednsday... *heart throb*
It's going to be three girls and four boys in the back of a truck riding around for a couple of hours...
I can imagine truth or dare being played.
Sam and me are cool again.
She didn't do it on purpose, have to remember that.
I get to see little Erica tonight!
YaY! And for those of you who don't know who that is, it's my 3 year sister that I only get to see every once in a while.
It's raining right now and I love it.
So anyways:
I'm down to 191.
And I'm going to work my ass off to beat this fucking platuea.
Heh.
<3
I'll write more as soon as I can, but life right now is amazing. |
|
|
| Bette Davis <3 |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|06:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
I had a friend tell me that I reminded them of the song "She's Got Bette Davis Eyes".
And I thought it's kind of sweet.
Ever since then I've became a kind of Bette Davis nut.
HaHa.
I'm listening to the song right now:
Her hair is Harlowe gold
Her lips, sweet surprise
Her hands are never cold
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll turn her music on you
You won't have to think twice
She's pure as New York snow
She got Bette Davis eyes
And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious
And she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
She got Greta Garbo stand off sighs
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll let you take her home
It whets her appetite
She'll lay you on her throne
She got Bette Davis eyes
She'll take a tumble on you
Roll you like you were dice
Until you come out blue
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll expose you
When she snows you
Off your feet with the crumbs she throws you
She's ferocious
And she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
All the boys think she's a spy
She's got Bette Davis eyes
And she'll tease you,
She'll unease you
All the better just to please you
She's precocious
And she knows just
What it takes to make a pro blush
All the boys think she's a spy
She's got Bette Davis eyes
And she'll tease you
She'll unease you
Just to please you
She's got Bette Davis eyes
She'll expose you
When she snows you
She knows you
She's got Bette Davis eyes
Have a nice day folks.
Heh.
<3 *casey* |
|
|
| New Me. |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|11:50 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | pain. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | a burnt cd, hell if i know. | ] |
Shedding my skin today.
New me...
Where are you?
It's time to shoot this place the fuck up.
*i'm so hurt.*
*what the fuck is wrong with me* |
|
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| FUCKITY FUCK FUCK, I HATE EVERY FUCKER WITH A FUCKING PENIS. |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|07:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
This is a fucking warning that if you don't want to hear me fucking rant then click the fucking back button.
I don't even know where to fucking begin.
I hate fuckers with penises.
I'd turn fucking lesbian if I could.
But I just want everything to FUCKING stop.
I want FUCKING depression to end.
I want a FUCKING guy to appreciate me for ME,
INSTEAD OF MY FUCKING VAGINA.
Don't get me wrong.
I <3 my vagina.
But.
When.
Will.
It.
Stop.
. |
|
|
| The New York, Fuck Yea. |
[Jul. 1st, 2006|11:39 am] |
*in aphabetical order*
Aly.
Ashley.
Casey.
Sam.
New York, Bitch, Here We Come. |
|
|
| I've been gone for so long now. |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|10:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Moulin Rouge | ] |
I'm at 190.
Now it's just to break this plateu.
I've ate okay today, lots of fiber.
I feel like I'm in the magical mist again of my life.
Right now I'm loungin around in the the undies and bra,
and my scars on my legs look like shit.
I dont' see how at the time I thought they were my "self expression".
I haven't posted in a while because I haven't been on the internet in a while.
Monday night Brandy and Nick and me went to the city and I had fun I guess, and then we dropped by Heather's.
I tried to throw up after we ate Chinese, but I couldn't make myself.
I don't need to be thinking like that.
But I'm at 190.
I HAVE to break this plateu.
I'm about ready to do anything.
I've remained at this weight for a couple of days.
I wish I had friends that understood me.
Taylor just talked all about his interesting life.
Yea, the one without me in it bud.
I wish I had an interesting life to go along with it, like the life I used to have.
The one that vanished from my fingers.
But I probably never will again.
Till I'm in my size 7 jeans will I be happy again.
I'm looking for some more friends on here.
What am I going to do without Aly all the time?
She still has like 3-4 days.
I need something/someone to keep me on track.
I basically quit the 28 day plan.
I don't think it was my kinda thing.
The point system and all.
But love to all, and to all, a good day. |
|
|
| AH more good news! |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|08:52 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | YaY. | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chris Brown. | ] |
31.6 in the 97th is my BMI.
That above is what I used to have posted.
Now:
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 30.8, placing the BMI-for-age at the 96th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
AGH!
Nothing bad can happen today.
Or at least I don't think so.
Uhoh.
I just measured myself, I'm 5'5.
AGH.
I have to redo this now, but still, surely I've gone down a percentile...
what I used to be:
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 32.6, placing the BMI-for-age at the 97th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
Now I am:
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Ha, thank you for the wait.
It is:
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 31.8, placing the BMI-for-age at the 97th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
Well, I didn't go down a percentile.
But I did lose some BMI.
.8 to be exact.
My ex boyfriend's and mine's song is on now.
She will be loved, by Maroon 5.
Which is a stupid song I guess to have as a couple's "song".
But I kinda feel happy, that no one knows me like that.
I'm a special shining star that no man, boy, guy, can steal from the sky again.
I feel beautiful.
I am so special.
Maybe someday I'll be someone's star,
but till then,
I'll be shining down.
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Well.
I guess a week from now, July 2nd (hah, I keep switching my goals), I want to weigh 190.
And by then my BMI will be:
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 31.6, placing the BMI-for-age at the 97th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
Mmm... I'll just drop .2.
But that'll be okay.
I feel like doing something special.
At 1:45 I'm going to go see The Da Vinci Code.
And I hope today will be a perfect day, like the one's Aly and me have been having.
It's 11:00 now, takes about an hour to get there, so I should leave at 12:45.
Mmm... I'll take a walk first.
YaY.
Ha.
Byes, all!
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
189:
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 31.5, placing the BMI-for-age at the 97th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
188:
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 31.3, placing the BMI-for-age at the 97th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
187: This is when I'd enter 96th percentile.
Based on the height and weight entered, the BMI is 31.1, placing the BMI-for-age at the 96th percentile for girls aged 16 years 0 months.
Mmkay,
well now I'm going to leave it at this.
Toodle loo. |
|
|
| AHHH!!! BEST B-DAY PRESENT FROM GOD, EVER! |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|08:34 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | YES! | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Eminem... It's the radio. Slim Shady, ha. | ] |
I woke up.
Got nakie.
Weighed in.
Expecting to probably have gained even more.
191 pounds.
AHAHAHAH!
I don't know what to do.
I lost 3.9 pounds in one day?!?!
I'm thinking this had to do something with my period.
Maybe it makes you gain 5 pounds.
And then, I dunno, takes it off when you're off the rag?!
I dunno.
But I'm happy.
And I'm fixing to look for times for the movie The Da Vinci Code.
I feel so great.
Laters.
Oh,
and Aly would be so proud. |
|
|
| Goals. |
[Jun. 24th, 2006|10:24 pm] |
June 24th: 194.9 pounds.
July 1st: 194.
July 8th: 193.
July 15th: 191.
July 22nd: 190.
July 29th: 189.
In more than a month I want to be at 189.
I don't see why I can't make it.
These are my goals for a while.
Why can't I get where I want though?
Hopefully Nick will pick me up like he said he would.
I'll go out and buy pills that I need.
Like Calcium, plus Vitamin D, Fiber pills.
God, please help me get my life on track.
I just want to be healthy.
And to be thin I guess too.
Tomorrow will be just plain healthy day.
It has to be.
I think I'm going to go drink some Cranberry juice right now anyways.
Oh my gees.
This is some of the nastiest shit I have EVER drank.
Oh wow.
Now I've hit it bottom low.
I'm looking up my ex boyfriend's myspace page.
HaH.
The one that stole my v-g.
Last log in June 15th.
Am I a stalker or what?
My life is out of control.
Where am I going?
Who am I kidding?
I'm drinking 40 calories right now.
Oh, btw, I made a piece of bread last an hour, HAHA!
I ate itty bitty little crumbs at a time.
It keep me satisfied.
Oh my gees.
I just went to his Aunt's page.
Now I'm going to his mom's.
: (
I'm physco.
But she's the one that called me a bitch.
I'm being never wracked.
Where are you, Casey?
Her page is still loading.
I'm talking Nathan.
He's kinda making me calm down.
I need to quit myspace.
I make myself sick.
When will I be okay?
Is this depression?
What is this?
I need church so bad.
I exited out of the myspace page of his mom's before it could completely load.
I hate myspace.
I hate everything.
Ha.
Not really.
Aly's going to be gone for a fucking week.
MLAKDJFLAK.
Aly.
Well.
Maybe I'd feel better if I left and I dunno...
masturbated?
Anything would be better than stalking ex boyfriends and their family members on the internet.
I make myself sick.
Do I truely hate me? |
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make_me_thinplz's journal
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